This article will be mainly addressed to men. Here the most typical mistakes that men commit in communication with women are presented. Sometimes the reaction of women on this/that situation is interpreted incorrectly by men, so that the response reaction can be inadequate as well, leading to total destruction of relationships.
Emotionally adequate communication: generally women’s behavior is more emotional than men’s. Though the most emotional women are sometimes simply not quite self-confident, every woman wants her man to talk to her in common language of emotions. Men hardly use female language, considering Latin or Greek to be easier to learn. This gap in communication provokes most of acute problems and conflicts. Imagine a casual conversation between man and woman:
She: How do you feel?
He: I’m ok.
She: No, how do you feel really?
He: I don’t know how I feel. You always ask the same question and get the same answer.
She: But why you don’t know? You should know how you feel.
He: I don’t think so much about feelings.
She: But I want to know what you feel about us and all other things.
He: I am fine, really.
She; It can’t be called like fine.
He: Listen here, don’t tell me what I feel and what I should feel.
She begins to cry.
So what has really happened? Actually a woman wanted to help the man, to make him feel comfortable, and in reality she made him think about what he got used to hide – his feelings, that’s why he behaved in a hostile way. Eventually all men will consider the behavior of the man in this situation quite normal and reasonable.
So if a man wants to become proficient in emotional aspect, it is important to learn to understand your feelings:
Most anthropologists say that people usually feel the following emotions:
Happiness
Fear
Fury
Love
Sorrow
Doubt
Compassion
Boredom
Disgust
You can learn how to express your feelings doing one simple exercise: concentrate and try to remember how you perceive this or that emotion, then try to express it through the sound: love arises soft sound, disgust – sharp, fury – growling. The more often you do the exercise, the faster you will be able to express your feelings in a proper manner.
Stop blaming each other: Even if you suppose that woman makes you feel uncomfortable, asking about your emotions she is striving to be closer to you; if you behave aggressively she may think that she is the reason for problems and irritation.
First – compassion – then help: Imagine your woman comes to you and complains, that she had an unpleasant talk with her boss in the morning because she was late - what will you ask after that? First of all, you will ask how many minutes she was late for, then advise how to behave in order to avoid such situations in future… you will hardly tell that you understand her and share her feelings. But that is the reaction she is waiting for! Remember to begin with compassion, and only then mildly advise her how to get out of the situation.
You can make her become better: Sometimes men face the strong desire to make their women better either physically or morally. It is a dangerous step to take, you will hardly achieve the success if you put pressure on her. Only if she asks for your opinion about her appearance, express your opinion carefully.
Remember about the force of compliments: tell them sincerely, moreover it is such an easy and available way to make her happy!
Who is the head? Of course you are, a man, but when you ask for a favor, include into your speech such polite phrases like: “ My dear, could you please”, “ Will you be so kind”, “ and address her like” Dear”, “ Darling’, “ Honey’, “ Sweetheart”- you will get even more than you have asked for.
Demand for intimacy: imagine that you live with a woman, she wants to be near and to share all the moments of your life. Is it too much for you? In her childhood a woman had a best friend, and now she wants her partner to be her all. That is why your desire to spend Saturday night with your friend in the bar, drinking beer and chattering, she would consider like betrayal.
And finally some more useful advice in brief: when you speak with a woman, try to involve her into conversation, listen to her and respect her opinion. Remember – it is a dialogue, not a soliloquy.
When you talk to her, look into her eyes, don’t examine her figure or revert the eyes, otherwise she will think that you are absolutely not interested in communication with her.
This piece of advice will probably ease your life and help to build strong and confidential relations with your partners.
