Communication with men

Communication with men

Have you ever noticed that men and women think, listen and express their emotions differently? To help you understand this difference and try to prevent, or solve some of your problems in communication we have to reveal 3 secrets.
Each secret contains 3 types of information:
a) What is she doing wrong, having not the least idea of men’s habits?
b) How men respond (react) on this?
c) Which decision should one take to find new ways of building relationships?

Secret #1
It is much easier for men to talk when they see the clear aim of conversation

Starting conversation with a man, do you notice him to be stressed and confused? He seems to lose control of situation, and play a game without knowing the rules. A woman is likely to start conversation with one of the following phrases:
- Let’s talk
- Dear, I think we have to discuss our relationships.

These expressions are too vague, as they don’t give any direction of conversation. This is how you give birth to men’s fear and uncertainty. He will start to argue with you, trying to postpone conversation, or to show absolute absence of interest.


Solution:
1. When you talk to a man, let him know exactly what you want. Be more concrete, give him a kind of agenda. For example:
- Dear, let’s talk tonight. We didn’t have enough time when your mum was here last week. We should discuss how to make her next visit better.
At least now he knows what it is all about, has more time to think it over, and feels more comfortable.
2. Ask him questions, but not such short-spoken ones, as: “How is your job?” The answer will be “Fine.” You’d better ask: “What about your new project, is it really as difficult as you’ve thought?”
3. Don’t use hints, be clear. Men prefer facts. Be sincere and direct to let him know your thoughts and express his point of view with great pleasure.

Secret #2
Man thinks to himself and gives the final answer.

Hiding his fears and uncertainty, your man will never give a rash answer, which is likely to be incorrect. He will not pronounce a word until he comes to the final decision. That’s why you may frequently hear “I need to think about it”.

Woman thinks aloud! The problem is that men direct their efforts towards the result of finding solutions, while women pay more attention to the process itself. Example: Most of women discuss daily plan during breakfast: “I have so many things to do today; during lunch I’m going to visit hairdresser and take my suit from the dry cleaner’s, then I have to meet with a new client. Oh, my god, I have an appointment with Mary at five, taxi will cost me a fortune!” Man says: “I’m married to my job.”

Man thinks that woman talks too much, he can express something in 3 words, while she needs 300. He doesn’t understand that discussing of a problem is a part of taking decision process for her; he thinks that you are not able to find solution by yourself and feels obliged to find it for you.


Solution:
1. You have to discuss this secret with him in order to make him understand what it is like to “think aloud”.
2. Don’t forget to find out whether he would like to discuss the issue now or needs time to think it over.
3. Explain that making complaints is your way to release stress and find the right solution. Otherwise, he will feel responsible for making decision for you.

Secret #3
It’s difficult for men to express their emotions.

Why is it so difficult for men to share problems with women?
In the world of emotions men lose control over situation, being not the owners of their status anymore. This feeling put their emotional state under threat, as they don’t have enough skills and experience to cope with it.

Women consider men to be insensible and insensitive. It is important to understand that men callousness is a myth. They are very sensible and sensitive creatures, sometimes even more than women are.


You expect the man to clarify his feelings as fast as you do. Most of women have faster emotional reaction, so if a man is not screaming, it doesn’t mean he has no feelings.


If you suppose that a man with high IQ is as subtle a master in expressing his feelings, as he is concerning his job, you are wrong. People should learn to improve their intellectual abilities, feelings and ways of expressing themselves.

If you want to speak the same language with your partner, be patient and lead him your way. Learn a lesson from communication with the opposite sex to achieve better results and derive pleasure from them. Understanding of these 3 secrets will help you to build better relationships in you private and everyday life.