Relationship compatibility

Relationship compatibility

Many people erroneously believe that "opposites attract", and seek a partner with interests opposite to their own under the illusion that this is a good way to form an enduring bond. Partners, who get caught in this lie, often suffer painful consequences. While it is true that opposites do attract sometimes, this attraction usually doesn't hold up to the reality of everyday life and commitment.

Incompatibility remains the strongest factor contributing to breakup. Psychologists have discovered that there are certain types of incompatible relationships that are doomed to fail from the start. We call these Incompatible Relationships.

Incompatible relationships
People should be warned of the dangers of dating someone with vast differences. The following is a summary of the five most common incompatible types of relationships.

1. The Missionary Relationship
In the missionary relationship one partner is trying to convert the other person to the faith. The common denominator of the missionary relationship is the need to justify the rela¬tionship on evangelistic grounds. For starters, how ludicrous to think that you can establish a healthy bond with someone on the basis of a hidden agenda! Unsurprisingly, after hanging on to these dead-end relationships, it's even more difficult to break it off in the end. The bottom line is that when there is spiritual or religious incompatibility - get out. It's too difficult to judge the sincerity of one's spiritual quest, when the emotions of love and romance are involved. The sacrifice is usually unjustified. Missionary relationships simply don't work.

2. Sacrificial Relationship
Some women tragically apply the mission of falling for men who are emotionally "sick and dying" for their love lives. Against all odds, they attempt to love, comfort, and take care of their lovers, hoping to nurture them back to emotional health. It reminds of a children’s game -one is the nurse, and the other is the patient. If you have a tendency to hang on to needy people in order to "love" them to health, then you need to ask yourself why. Why do you have this unquenchable need to be needed? You are called to be an equal partner in a relationship, not a shrink, sur¬rogate parent, missionary, or nurse. Sacrificial relationships may seem exciting and challenging at first, but they usually end in dis¬illusionment. If this describes you, you need remedial work - get a life!

3. The Exotic Relationship
When two people from radically different cultural or ethnic backgrounds get together it’s called an Exotic relationship. At the beginning you might be intrigued by the accent, cultural differences, and mysterious demeanor of the other person. The rela¬tionship can be based on the allure of being with someone completely different in so many ways. Sure, exotic relationships are exciting and adventurous, but they're extremely impractical. Under the best of circum¬stances, dating and marriage are difficult and challenging. Before you invest time, energy, and money into an exotic relationship, consider the fact that the odds of this kind of relationship actually making it one in a million.

4. “Unequally aged” Relationship
The hallmark of the unequally aged relationship is the considerable age gap between partners. If you find yourself saying, "Yes, sir" to your partner, then you may be in this particular type of relationships. If your partner is still telling you stories about the "good îld days" in the fifties, then this is your case. These types are usually trying to compensate for emotional insecurity, or expecting their partner to fill in for Mom or Dad. Regardless of the psychological reasons behind this trend, in most cases this substantial age difference is another example of incompatible relationships.

Unequally aged relationships provide a sense of emotional or financial security at their early stage, but eventually they hit several snags of incompatibility. Energy levels can be drastically different. Cultural connecting points such as movies, historical events, music, and past trends will also be different. These things may seem trivial, but they are extremely important when you are seeking to build a long-lasting bond.

5. Rebellious Relationship
The first sign of this kind of relationship is the need to date some¬one purely out of your ‘caste’. Rebellious relationship daters choose a partner, who is exactly the opposite of everything their families would want for them. Most of the time, people engaged in this kind of relationship, are merely angry with their parents or attempting to define them¬selves as a way to establish a sense of indepen¬dence. However, there are more constructive ways to deal with anger or establish independence – understanding, forgiveness and maturity. Save yourself the pain and embarrassment by staying clear of any kind of rebellious rela¬tionship.

Compatible relationships
A relationship, by definition, is the connecting of people. Therefore, to have a successful relationship with the opposite sex you must connect on many levels. This is what is called Compatible Relationships. Example below shows that in order to truly connect with another person, you must be compatible on three general lev¬els: spiritual, physical, and social.

1. The Spiritual Connection
If you cannot connect with your partner on a spiritual level, your relationship is headed for disaster. What you believe about God, how you pray, which holidays you celebrate, which books you hold to be sacred, and your opinion on baptism are just a few components that make up your spiritual belief system. When you don't see eye to eye with your partner in these areas, then you are compromising something that is deeply ingrained in you. Your spirituality and how that is expressed is the most intense and intimate part of you. Tremendous heartache and frustra¬tion will occur, when two people are unable to connect and share this most intimate part of their lives.

2. The Physical Connection
Being sexually attracted to your partner is a prerequisite for a healthy relation¬ship. Having a spiritual connection is not enough. You must have that spark, that chemistry, that attraction that draws you to the person like a magnet. There must be "some¬thing" in the way that person looks, moves, laughs, speaks, or smiles; something that compels you to want to be with him or her. All great relationships have some element of chemistry, and you either have it or you don't.

3. The Social Connection
Some people often neglect social compatibility, though this very area creates lots of stresses on relationships. Social compatibility primarily concerns family patterns and social relating.
The old saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," usually holds true. Who you are, and many of your life perspectives stem directly from your family upbringing. If you grew up in a home in which you received love, support, encouragement and security from your parents, then you probably have a good foundation for build¬ing a happy family. If you didn't grow up in such an environment, then you would have to work harder to develop a strong bond. Some of the important issues associ¬ated with family background are holiday customs, family rules, finances, domestic responsibilities, and rearing children.

The other area of connecting at the social level deals with patterns of relating. This dimension of a relationship covers a wide variety of concerns, including social skills, communication style, and intellectual compatibility.

What does it mean to be compatible? Well, similarities between people make life together much simpler. Being together involves compromise, and people can reach these compro¬mises more easily when they share common values and inter¬ests. Sure, sometimes opposites can attract, but for a stable relationship bet on similarity.